Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
