smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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