this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
