it wasn't lemon gatorade
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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