Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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