A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
