I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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