Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
