so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
