Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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