He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
