A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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