Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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