im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize