Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
