found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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