he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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