What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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