if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
