so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
