You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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