my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
