I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
