First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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