I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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