every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
