yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
