Umm I'm too high to move.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
