I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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