I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
