if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
