3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
