Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize