had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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