I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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