hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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