you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
