So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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