woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am available for nakedness
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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