I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
