I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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