Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
