no, he came in my armpit
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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