I wannas sexs uuuuu
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
