Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
