The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
