I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
should my penis look like a turkey
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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