I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
