Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wear drunk well.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
