My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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