He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
