I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
