i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
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You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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