How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
