God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I faked an abortion last night.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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