Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
