She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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