I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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