He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
