I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
