I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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