Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
