I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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