My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize