Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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