God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
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Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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