just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
