im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
