Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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