You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
