Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
