I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am spending my child support on dildos
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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