he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
