Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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