Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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