Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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