I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
