I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
